Finding The Positives in Life After Divorce

"What do I do now?" and "How will I get through this?" are some of the most common questions among people who find themselves suddenly facing divorce. It doesn't seem to matter how long the situation has dragged itself out, the questions still remain. When you are going through a divorce it feels like all of the security in your life goes away. You feel like a fish out of water, and the person you made a commitment to go through life with, for better or worse, is no longer around to help you navigate these new emotions and experiences. Regardless of who or what caused your divorce, this experience can leave you feeling worried, lonely, and afraid of any future consequences. Let's face it, even though we all know that divorce is an option nobody goes into marriage with the desire to get divorced. We married our ex-spouse because we loved them. That love was something we wanted to hold on to it and cherish forever. The loss of that feeling, along with the loss of accomplishments and the dreams that were built upon that love leaves us feeling a unique kind of grief. Feelings of despair and misery creep up and make you wonder how you'll ever move past this phase in your life. There is nothing anyone can say that will make this easier for you. However, ensuring that you keep a stable mental and emotional state will allow you to transition through this phase in your life in a way that will allow you to move forward. 

Find yourself 

Although it may be the last thing you want to do, you have to allow your negative emotions to take a step back.  Instead of focusing on "Where do I go from here?" focus more on questions like "What brought me to this place?" and "What feelings do I never want to feel again?" Asking yourself questions like these will give you a sense of who you are in this moment as an individual. Remember, when you were married you were not an independent person. You were part of a team, a "we", and you had to make decisions that included the safety, happiness, and stability of your spouse in all of your decisions. Instead of allowing yourself to feel lost or confused, empower yourself throughout this change. This change is a new beginning and there is a beautiful opportunity here just waiting for you to change your mindset. Figuring out where you stand emotionally will help you when it comes time to deal with your family and finances. Do not feel ashamed for seeking resources like a therapist or social worker during this time, take this chance to heal yourself and save yourself a lifetime of heartache.

Think of your kids

Your children or stepchildren, no matter how old, are dealing with the major loss of their family structure. Regardless of how irate or calm they may be at this time, they too are feeling the same confused emotions as you are. Seeing you feeling empowered and emotionally stable can help put the ones you love the most at ease. When things get rough do not allow parent guilt to sneak in and bring you down. Life isn’t perfect no matter how badly we want it to be. For the sake of your children's happiness, try to remember that it's okay to be human and know that you did not fail them. You loved someone and built a life with them. That takes a lot of courage. Your kids are relying on you to show them how to navigate through tough times in life. Try to respond with the kind of strength you would like to see in them.  If they see that despite how you were feeling emotionally you were able to make it through the day, trust that they will remember and act accordingly when life provides them with obstacles. Be patient, be kind and spend time with them.

Hear them out when they speak about their own emotions. Don't become angry, sad, or bitter if they blame you and don’t badmouth the other parent. They love your spouse just as much as they love you and you don't want to compromise their life long relationship with your ex-spouse. Try to remember that you were able to sever your ties to your ex, but, your child will continue to have a relationship with them forever.

Establish a clear path

Keep this new chapter as free of complications as possible and you will be able to grow through this and become a better version of yourself. Don’t worry what will happen in the future. Whether you worry or not it will arrive. Instead of worrying, wonder more about who you want to be when the future arrives. Surround yourself with the support of family, friends and loved ones. Try to seek new experiences that will introduce you to new people. Live for your wellbeing and enjoy what this new life has to offer.

You’ll be okay in the end

It's okay to feel unsure right now, but you should try your hardest to see this as a liberating opportunity. Dare to dream new dreams, accomplish things you only thought of as fantasy or find a new hobby that brings you joy. Live the best version of your life. You only get one life and you don't want to waste the rest of it feeling insecure because you refused to find yourself. Find out who you are as an individual and make sure you live life to the best of your ability. In time you will see that divorce was not the end of your world, it’s simply a new beginning.

Related Articles